Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Sometimes I don't know how I got here, why I'm here, what I'm supposed to be doing here, who I'm supposed to be doing it with, what the hell everyone else thinks I'm supposed to be or why I even care... (what the think I mean)!
Actually it's not sometimes... it's most of the time. My wife laughs with me when I confess these things and she gets that it's got nothing to do with herself or anything like that...
How have I managed to be at this for so long without the slightest idea of what it even is?
Sometimes it's just like that Talking Heads song "Once in a lifetime" and just the '...Same as it ever was'. So why should I be worried? Actually I'm not! and now is not one of those times. I am feeling totally comfortable and contented in this life that's wrapped itself around me. Whatever it is!
Leo Tolstoy packed up his kit and walked away from what most of us would expect to call 'his life' at the age of 82... apparently he died a few days later. He must have woken up a few times in that life and wondered '...How did I get here?' Why not? (I still haven't read the great book by the way)
Anyway I know these feelings very well but I'm not there right now. I've just been listening to one of my favorite Bruce Springsteen songs and it's kind of all about that, or maybe it's in reverse or something which is exactly what that feelings like anyway.
So how did I get here? Well it could be this is all just a world of my own making... "How did I get here?" Maybe back there somewhere I wished my way here.
(Apologies to The Boss)
It's not so bad you know... And this song was always one of my personal favorites... Actually I've never shared that.