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It's tricky and uncomfortable to be dragging my ass through what can only be described as a half-assed attempt to strip bare the shrouds of a false existence! I'm hoping the journey out of attachment might be something like riding an eternity on the diamond tip of a turntable needle, trip trip tripping and scratching it's way across an old vinyl record! Will I hear the same song a million times before the grooves dissolve and I'm released from the first track of this LP?

I went back to work today but couldn't shift gears... I think I need to just sit down and do nothing! The desire for this doesn't come to me very often but when it does I know I should, 'not' act on it. The thing is that I'm spoiled for work and and I'm worried I might sabotage the whole situation just to get out of it! I can't force myself to care about what I am supposed to 'be' or 'be doing!' With no time for me or to myself, barely even for for my own thoughts, bit by bit life has collapsed from deliberate action back down to automatic behavior, reactions, duties and an inner refusal to comply or accept any of these things!
It's quite maddening actually.

Last night I gave in and watched the latest version of Moby Dick on video (OK I know they're called DVDs now but what's the frigging difference?) I had refused to watch it until I'd finished reading the book but I figure it doesn't matter at all. How can that book be translated into a film? It can't fit in a film! OK I saw the characters, the boats, the chase and even a strange version of the whale. Ahabs words are there but the desperately wild madness of what he's saying can't be bound in the film and neither can a film contain 'who is Ishmael?' This might never be revealed the way that Jed McKenna describes but his character did have rather creepy detached lack of presence in the story.
I think watching the film only set me up for chasing whales when I should have been preparing to re-join the world of work! The problem is that when you're considering life as an illusion it's hard to find anything that can scare you back into caring about the consequences of taking a mental excursion.

Half Assed! "Strike through the Mask?" Not likely! I'm just poking at it like a 'Hand puppet of Maya!'

How will we do this tomorrow?
Maybe I'll just look for a new job or something... Or maybe I should stop listening to crazy bastards who think they've attained enlightenment, it just gets me crazy and I'd probably be better off spending my nights stacking shelves at a supermarket somewhere with Heavy Metal music in my headphones!

Goodnight.