We've been back from Victoria for weeks now but I just haven't been motivated to write anything about anything! After a couple of weeks break I managed to completely unwind and I just haven't wanted to re-connect with the life I left in Darwin.
Too many commitments, too many groups and TOO Too much responsibility! I realized when we went down to Melbourne at Easter that I was approaching some kind of burnout, contemplating quitting my job... I needed a break.
When we got home I found it incredibly difficult to catch up with all my commitments and look after my families needs as well. Then I just stopped doing stuff! I haven't been motivated to write about anything, talk about anything... do any thing... Giving myself permission to not 'DO' has created a space for something,tremendous and powerful to enter me body and soul! And my mind keeps jabbering out half finished songs and poems that nobody would get and nobody will ever hear!
A recent confrontation lead me to make a decision to give myself over a little more. Giving up my 'will for power' and submitting to the guidance of trusted others... Putting aside my desire to argue, show, explain, contradict, win little bit by bit. Prayer, meditation and then more revelation as I become willing to be changed. My head swimming in the unfamiliar water of acceptance... is this all too much? A rush of nausea flows across me as I experience what it is like to be the hole in the doughnut!
I need some sleep but am forcing myself to write on this blog just to find out. Is this really necessary or just more fodder for the flesh? I wonder if I might be content to just flit by here from time to time only to look at the pictures I took of the forest and enjoy the memories of coolness, the perfume of forest trees and the protective hidden canopy of trees along the creek!
Our Beautiful Coconut Tree - felled and forlorn.
Before we left for Melbourne one of our fences had virtually collapsed! When we got back I had to fix the damn thing and in the process I had to decide what to do about our coconut tree which was leaning across and toughing on the fence. I thought I was going to leave it there and build the fence with a gap for the tree to poke through... Sadly, since I wasn't 100% sure of what I'd do a neighbor approached me and recommended that I "Get rid of that nuisance tree!" I didn't really want to do it but being unsure I took it as a sign that I should cut the tree. It now lays in various places around our garden. The interesting thing was that no sooner had I cut it down than a Philipina Neighbor came along and asked for a couple of mature nuts! She then explained how I could use the fronds as a broom (If I was inclined to sweep anything...). Then our next door neighbor (who is originally from somewhere in India) turned up and also asked for some nuts. Both neighbors expressed their disappointment at the tree coming down and I was disappointed too. I actually felt sad. But the situation wasn't a complete loss. It was actually a great opportunity to talk to people on a level that rarely occurs when passing people in the street. I expect the Vietnamese guy who usually comes and cuts the ripe nuts from the tree will also be disappointed when he finds the tree gone.
I expect many of our neighbors will be happy to see that old leaning tree gone... I think some people thought it was an eyesore, Others said it was dangerous... Maybe it was but I really liked that tree.
We occasionally ate the fruit and once or twice wove things out of the fronds, never really knowing how to get the most of our tree, but we loved it. A tree monitor had made his home in the spaces between the fronds and the fruit, Torres Strait Pigeons would roost in it lorikeets would fight in it at night it stood guard in the moonlight and the wind occasionally pushed it until it would sway gently. Some people know the value of a good coconut tree. The rogue fruit that drops over fences is fair game and bounty for the urban gleaners but to the bourgeouis suburbanite it's just another scandal that interrupts their straight lines and grassy verges! Thank God for rogue coconut trees! Not only do they provide us with all kinds of useful materials (whether we make full use of them or not) but they are a useful tool in defining the value(s) of one's neighbors.