TOOTH

TOOTH
(consideration for a new year)

A tooth for a tooth, or a ticket for the bus,
The clock ticks, as it meters time
Potential by fractions is lost to indecision
Jim Morison said...
Well that's not the point
20 years today, since a precious reprieve...
I have lived... I Live! Something must always die
The second 'law' of thermodynamics is not always implied but inertia demands a  cost
Loss is not negotiable, death inevitable, debts - ultimately - payable

Life change must claim a fee a token, or ticket... Yesterday I gave a tooth
Skillfully Wrenched from my aching jaw, in three pieces.
On this auspicious anniversary, and end to an end and a tooth only to pay
Lightning doesn't always strike no matter what you pray
Was the price higher than I thought?
An old champion, my hero, tripped along the way before he'd reached his final goal

In our original glory, was there ever anything so precious as a good set of teeth?
I concede this bad tooth a toll
I trade another crevice a space in my jaw for, one more chapter in patched up shoes 
Thoughts skip to friends who never made it, They departed with all their mouths in tact,
Their future was set they couldn't change it, life's sweet breath squandered and wasted
Let the tooth burn! As fuel for this change in direction
Leave the ashes to the wind

When fate looks in this mouth full of empty spaces, It will find there within
Enough teeth remain to chew and bite and grin
Till my last jagged peg and I've breath left to shout
The marrow will be sucked before I am out!

Precious

The clock has ticked past 12, it's now the final
day of 2014. Just another day really.

Tonight Sam and I remembered, quietly and sadly friends who have died this year. 

It has been a tough year I have spent the past week just hanging out at home with Sam 

and the kids but in the back of my mind I worry about friends who are alone. This year we have seen too many unnecessary deaths! 

3 lost to suicide (all unrelated) and the tragic loss of two more beautiful children whose lives were cut short.

I know so many lonely people, so many people who are under pressure and too often alone, they suffer from loneliness but often they keep their despair to themselves.

When I look back over the years I have lost way too many friends to this thing! Something is wrong! Something is broken that so many would think there's no other choice but to take this most drastic step.

I don't know what I can say really, except acknowledge their passing and remember that our time here is short and soon we will all be dust.

We will all pass and before long forgotten. It's no great matter once we're gone. But while we live maybe there's room for just a little more kindness.

Candles still burning for Jenny and the kids. Morning after memorial on Rapid Creek.

In June this year news spread of a shocking incident which took place on a friends property in Jingili. The death of Jenny and her two children left our community numb and confused. Our hearts were broken to learn what had happened. The final report stated it was double murder suicide. How do we deal with such a tragedy? Can we ever understand the effect this has had on the families of those two children? I have thought of them over the Christmas period and pray they get some respite from their suffering. For the care of children it is right to ask ourselves what more could I have done!
A couple of days after the incident an impromptu memorial was organized by close friends and held on the bank of Rapid Creek. I am sure I'm not the only one who felt ambivalent about the situation. I was angry and sad, rage swelled in me to think a parent could do this to her children, yet it happens a lot. Pain! Too much pain. By the end of the service had resolved a lot of my outrage and could only think to care for so many lonely people, I had no idea at that time I would loose two more friends just 5 months later.

I left the memorial alone, without talking to anyone but returned the next morning before dawn. 3 candles were still burning. I sat by the river and watched the sun rise. Around me life went on as usual. People jogging, cycling, walking their dogs. Over night the tide continued it's rhythm, I threw some left over flowers into the creek, the creek continued to flow and carried the petals out to sea.

Stay - Leonardo's Bride

"...And I say to mankind, Be not curious about God,
  For I who am curious about each am not curious about God,
  (No array of terms can say how much I am at peace about God and
      about death.)

  I hear and behold God in every object, yet understand God not in the least,
  Nor do I understand who there can be more wonderful than myself.

  Why should I wish to see God better than this day?
  I see something of God each hour of the twenty-four, and each moment then,
  In the faces of men and women I see God, and in my own face in the glass,
  I find letters from God dropt in the street, and every one is sign'd
  by God's name,
  And I leave them where they are, for I know that wheresoe'er I go,
  Others will punctually come for ever and ever.

  And as to you Death, and you bitter hug of mortality, it is idle to

  try to alarm me..." 

 - (Walt Whitman. from Song of Myself of the book Leaves of Grass)

5

Your hearts were torn in life, may God bless you as you rest.
Tonight we'll light 5 candles.

Just another day

Happy 2012!

Once again I commence the New Year without any major objectives, plans or ambitions. 

We shrugged at celebrating New Years Eve, just another day really. Having spent the past 16 years, to the day trying to live just one day at a time, the temptation to 'Party' on New Years Eve has lost all it's allure. I welcome the opportunity for rebirth and renewal which the first of January has come to signify for me but the idea of making a fuss on New Years Eve just doesn't do it for me like it used to...

Christmas was quite nice, we spent the day with some friends who live around the corner. This year Santa was on a pretty tight budget so the kids got only a few presents, they were quite cheep but well and truly worth the money. Our eldest was warned not to expect too much, she may have been a little bit disappointed but she didn't really show it. As it turned out her presents were ideal, mostly crafty stuff, which she could have just thrown in a corner but she actually decided to use it and over the course of just a few days has learned how to thread a needle, do some basic straight stitches and tie off the thread when she is finished! We were extremely impressed with her enthusiasm for sewing and are now looking for some more advanced needle work to get her started on.

Hand stitched felt dog, (deliberately contrasting thread with material)


Hand stitched felt elephant

 

On Boxing day we received word from our landlord that he wanted to come and re-tile the living area and bathroom in our flat, so having spent the past week moving everything into the bedrooms we were ready to move out for a few days. Thankfully Sam decided that the Piano can stay in the bedroom!(I was dreading moving it back!) Thankfully some friends offered us a great opportunity to house sit while they were away, so we bundled up the kids, some bedding and essentials and headed off to stay at their place. The house we stayed at is elevated and the garden is full of bamboo! For me it was like paradise, Sam missed the aircon but the kids were happy exploring the garden, playing with the dog and feeding the chooks. After three days I had well and truly settled into our temporary treetop home. For some reason I always find it easier to read when I'm away from home and had just about knocked over the book that Sam gave me for Christmas (Pedaling Revolution by Jeff Mapes). I dreaded leaving the breezy bamboo loft retreat but Sam was desperate to get home. Time had come to return so we headed back to our poorly lit 2 bedroom unit where tiles had been laid over a cracked concrete floor and the dust of ground tilers cement hung from cobwebs and clung to the grimy walls! 

As we were moving all our stuff from the living area to the bedrooms in preparation for the repair of our floor, it occurred to us that we have accumulated TOO MUCH STUFF! So today on the second day of 2012 I have decided to make a beginning on a small personal transformation... (Damn as I write this I know how unoriginal it is to declare resolutions at this time of year but, I've nothing original to write and feel compelled to post something so you're gonna cop the cliche' ramblings of this unimaginative dilettante!) I intend to reduce my attachment... So as we've been moving all our crap around I realized that I've got boxes full of attachment that I need to get rid of! 

Today I have shed more of the treasured stuff that I've been hoarding! I'm sure I dumped piles of my old assessments from when I was studying but today I found some more and was able to half fill a bin with research papers, reports, assessment tasks and graded work from several years worth of TAFE study! Most of the land management papers I'd been saving are now in the bin.

Library studies assessments and projects.. ALL GONE! 

Tour guiding resources....70% GONE!

Disability Services assessments and projects....80% GONE!

Parks and Wildlife Management assessments and resources...70% GONE!

OK I held onto some of my projects, maybe I'll chuck them next year.

After having spent years of studying for various TAFE certificates I can't say that I have retained any of the knowledge that I once received certificates of competence in, that's not to say it was all a waste of time, it's brought me to the place I'm at today but I definitely don't know all I've learned... if that makes any sense? 

Once I started eliminating some of my old files Sam came forth with boxes of other stuff like old photos and various other memorabilia that I'd been holding on to. How much of these things to I need to fulfill my memories? What can I live without? Just about all of it actually. Out it Goes!

Having ditched a lot of stuff I feel a little lighter but still have a lot to go. Now I think I'll sit back with the kids and enjoy a shaved ice Snow Cup!