Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts

Thursday, April 23, 2015

I felt a trembling


"...They built a prison and it tempered in the sun
It rose up off a plateau like a last tooth in a gum..."

  (The Drones - Locust)



This week grief, depression, hopelessness, rage, sadness crept through every crack and crevice of the barely adequate spiritual blockades I’d erected around my torn soul and aching heart. I touched the deepest craving for oblivion and silence and threw myself out with the bathwater and sludge of 10,000 opinions of the greedy selfish mob, I cast myself naked to the great Whatever…! I asked for death and embraced it’s blank empty promise… As I peddled to work I felt the weight of malice and my rage consumed me. Tears dripped from my cheeks and flowed back across my face while my legs persisted against my will to continue on my way to work, tears in my ears and bloodshot eyes I sang hurt songs for Wisdom at the top of my voice and my dry throat hurt… I met with the Christian son of man and God they call Jesus ‘Christ’…

Memento Mori… MEMENTO MORI!.... memento mori. Not some day! NOW!

Grace… peace...  

My despair burned into my skin left the mark of a Celtic Cross on my back. Give up grief. fight FIGHT!



 Yesterday I met a fella who cheered me up... The answer? Spread the love!

Why did I feel so low?


Today the life of a small child is in our hands, she is not the only one but she is real and we have heard her story.. Her tiny hopeful body is in our Prison her mind and soul already tortured and enslaved, she is damaged and condemned to be broken for our sake.

It’s just down the road, not far from here where others like her are kept behind razor wire in preparation to be sent back to an unbearable and intolerable fate on a small island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean! Nauru… HELL!

It’s not new children have been sent there for a couple of years now at the pleasure of the Australian Government. What makes this child different is that they can no longer say this child will come to no harm! (We have the Moss Review on Nauru) We know she will. This is no time to sit back and read about it in the news. NOW is the time to make the news, break the silence TURN THE TABLES!

(Updated 24/04/15) 

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Precious



The clock has ticked past 12, it's now the final
day of 2014. Just another day really.

Tonight Sam and I remembered, quietly and sadly friends who have died this year. 
It has been a tough year I have spent the past week just hanging out at home with Sam 
and the kids but in the back of my mind I worry about friends who are alone. This year we have seen too many unnecessary deaths! 

3 lost to suicide (all unrelated) and the tragic loss of two more beautiful children whose lives were cut short.

I know so many lonely people, so many people who are under pressure and too often alone, they suffer from loneliness but often they keep their despair to themselves.
When I look back over the years I have lost way too many friends to this thing! Something is wrong! Something is broken that so many would think there's no other choice but to take this most drastic step.

I don't know what I can say really, except acknowledge their passing and remember that our time here is short and soon we will all be dust.
We will all pass and before long forgotten. It's no great matter once we're gone. But while we live maybe there's room for just a little more kindness.
 
Candles still burning for Jenny and the kids. Morning after memorial on Rapid Creek.
 
 
  

In June this year news spread of a shocking incident which took place on a friends property in Jingili. The death of Jenny and her two children left our community numb and confused. Our hearts were broken to learn what had happened. The final report stated it was double murder suicide. How do we deal with such a tragedy? Can we ever understand the effect this has had on the families of those two children? I have thought of them over the Christmas period and pray they get some respite from their suffering. For the care of children it is right to ask ourselves what more could I have done!
A couple of days after the incident an impromptu memorial was organized by close friends and held on the bank of Rapid Creek. I am sure I'm not the only one who felt ambivalent about the situation. I was angry and sad, rage swelled in me to think a parent could do this to her children, yet it happens a lot. Pain! Too much pain. By the end of the service had resolved a lot of my outrage and could only think to care for so many lonely people, I had no idea at that time I would loose two more friends just 5 months later.

I left the memorial alone, without talking to anyone but returned the next morning before dawn. 3 candles were still burning. I sat by the river and watched the sun rise. Around me life went on as usual. People jogging, cycling, walking their dogs. Over night the tide continued it's rhythm, I threw some left over flowers into the creek, the creek continued to flow and carried the petals out to sea.



Stay - Leonardo's Bride

"...And I say to mankind, Be not curious about God,
  For I who am curious about each am not curious about God,
  (No array of terms can say how much I am at peace about God and
      about death.)

  I hear and behold God in every object, yet understand God not in the least,
  Nor do I understand who there can be more wonderful than myself.

  Why should I wish to see God better than this day?
  I see something of God each hour of the twenty-four, and each moment then,
  In the faces of men and women I see God, and in my own face in the glass,
  I find letters from God dropt in the street, and every one is sign'd
  by God's name,
  And I leave them where they are, for I know that wheresoe'er I go,
  Others will punctually come for ever and ever.

  And as to you Death, and you bitter hug of mortality, it is idle to
  try to alarm me..." 

 - (Walt Whitman. from Song of Myself of the book Leaves of Grass)


5
Your hearts were torn in life, may God bless you as you rest.
Tonight we'll light 5 candles.

Monday, November 03, 2014

A mountain of Hope

Watching, 'Into The Wild' this morning which features a real life character from Slab City in the Colorado desert, California, his name is Leonard Knight. Leonard passed away in February this year but what a message he has!

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

ABSURD!

Today I had an awakening. Thought I'd better post it before it disappears down the crack with the socks, the key to my bike lock and the USB flash drive I needed the other day!

Being compelled to look for meaning in the world and being constantly confused or even disappointed by what I discover one word keeps appearing in my mind (well only when I'm capable of being philosophical, other times I just feel sorry for myself because I'm convinced that nothing makes sense and the point of it all continually eludes me and so on). The word is: Absurd.

When trying to describe the unusual things that happen in an average day at work the only word that I've found that truly describes it is Absurd. Today after one or two Absurd incidents, but not enough to create any great agitation or distress I had time to contemplate the general situation. Absurd lept into my head and just danced around on it's own as if it was at home in there. I pondered it for quite a while. I remember reading the word somewhere in a book I was into... or maybe it was one of those damned Jed McKenna audio books. I don't remember and it doesn't matter! The point is that when I consider situations to be Absurd my reaction to them changes instantly. My consciousness shifts I become free of judgement and expectation. 
I move from trying to apply logic to an illogical situation to complete acceptance. 
"Of course it doesn't make sense... It's Absurd!"

I looked the word up online

Here's a definition of the word:

Absurd

1. Ridiculously incongruous or unreasonable. See Synonyms at foolish
2. Of, relating to, or manifesting the view that there is no order or value in human life or in the universe.

3. Of or relating to absurdism or the absurd.
n.
 Then I found a reference to the word 'Absurdism' on Wikipedia. Now we're talking about a philosophy! I read on...
 ...In philosophy "the Absurd" refers to the conflict between the human tendency to seek inherent value and meaning in life and the human inability to find any...
Line by line the entry describes all the thought processes I've experienced while pondering the seriousness of 'Life the Universe and Everything', it goes on to quote Soren Kierkegaard and Albert Kamus and they describe so many of the concepts I am continually wrestling with... and they wrestle with them and come to different conclusions... or maybe temporary positions. I'm blown away by the familiarity of it all. Maybe because it's the eternal question that is hardwired into us all, or maybe because I've read some Kamus and his writing is laced with the same propositions. Or maybe it was that bloody Jed McKenna fucking with my head! Probably a combination of all really.
Or maybe I was subliminally programmed with it years ago when I was reading 'Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galazy'.

Reading on...
...As a philosophy, absurdism thus also explores the fundamental nature of the Absurd and how individuals, once becoming conscious of the Absurd, should respond to it...

A solution! Awesome! And the solution is intuitive when confronted with the idea that Absurd is not a defective position but actually the reality of the state of our very existence and all that we've done and all that we are... and didn't Pink Floyd already write about it in their song Eclipse (The Dark Side of the Moon)? 

I start thinking about Kamus and how his books left me feeling too much of the empty depressing, It's OK to know about Absurdity but how do you live in a constant state of Absurd awareness?  Then I read the conflicting perspective of Kierkegaard and how he felt a belief in something beyond the Absurd such as religious acceptance of intangible and unprovable thing could transcend the hopeless state that perpetual awareness of the Absurdity of life can cause. A legitimate escape from the, too heavy truth. And I realize I've discovered this myself through my own experience and I know it's true! Far out! This is freaking me out!

I can't believe it's taken me so long to discover this! 

Absurdity, a cosmos without meaning and God consciousness can coexist! Just don't forget at the end of the day that it is absolutely Absurd! 

I'm gonna go and listen to Bob Marley singing Three Little Birds and sleep like a baby tonight. In the words of Napoleon Dynamite's brother Kip... "Peace Out!"

Friday, June 01, 2012

In the balance between 0 and 1


Two delicious looking Kiwi Fruit are sitting on my desk at work… they’ve been there all week while I stuff some kind of sponge cake filled with hand whipped cream into my ungracious gob! Leftovers are always set aside for me in the fridge at work. Everyone knows never to throw food out when I’m around. My budget’s tight and to waste food seems criminal so I eat it!

It’s the dry season and people are beginning to roll into town. Old friends have turned up out of the blue so on Wednesday I stole some personal time, went and ate lunch with them at the Casino. All you can eat stuff yer guts, there’s half price vouchers at the back of one of their dry season pamphlets. Personally I hate casinos but have no qualms about taking advantage of the misery subsidised meals they serve in their restaurant. I walk past stricken gamblers joyfully anticipating a full lunch… (Usually all I tend to eat is stale peanut butter and jam sandwiches… I don’t really like them.) What a weird sensation to be sitting down to eat lunch with friends… I couldn’t avoid the guilty feelings as I thought of Sam at home looking after our youngest and recovering from a terrible episode of Shingles (Or so the medical report has finally diagnosed and the centre for disease control confirmed when they called later the same day). Guilt passes over me… I think about her for a moment and then head back to the food bar for some Chicken Korma with rice!
Early last week we had a terrible episode. After a week of considerable neck pain Sam collapsed in the shower, (Overdose on painkillers) and had to be taken by ambulance to hospital. She was a mess, with sores all over her right shoulder, neck and chest. Dr’s thought it was a chemical burn from Tiger balm but swabbed her anyway and called just this week to say it was actually shingles. Shingles, apparently come from having had Chicken pox and usually affect elderly people. The condition can be brought on by stress and I’d have to say that stress is definitely the culprit! STRESS!
We don’t have many real causes for stress in our lives but the mind can be a dangerous thing… sometimes the greatest enemy of all! An obsessive mind can fixate on a problem and before you know it you’re stressed out!  
So the problem appears to be Stress or Tension and what is the opposite to this? Well obviously it must be relaxation. Now this got my brain going on an idea that I can’t put down. We’ve been discussing matters of religion, God the universe and everything and several experiences just seemed to fall into place… (These may be obvious to everyone else but an authentic realisation should not be sneezed at no matter how many people may already know the same thing already. Here is the basic concept I’ve been contemplating.
Tension vs Relaxation – Ego vs God consciousness – 1 vs 0



Tension & relaxation
-          There’s a basic principal in the martial arts which utilizes the energy created between alternating Tension and Relaxation, conservation and concentration of energy combined with good timing can produce a powerful result.
-          Significance of the play between sound and the absence of sound in music. Tension the finger strikes the key producing sound, relaxation the tension or pressure is released the hand rests and is then able to be reapplied to the next action. Sound…. No Sound…
-          All actions require a period of no action in order that the body can rest, rejuvenate and be ready to be applied again to a new action.  

God & Ego
-          This may press some buttons if you have a concept of God that is not compatible… I haven’t checked this with God so can’t be 100% sure if it is correct but when I think of myself or at least who I think I am… or basically Ego… I am reminded of the Will. We exert Will, it is an agent of action, driven by basic instincts but subject to our intellect to some degree. In this physical world we simply must, ‘get shit done’ and without Ego we wouldn’t get much done at all, what would motivate us to act. By my reckoning Ego = Tension. To seek to become closer to God it is necessary to deflate Ego… For most of us (Well for me at least) There isn’t enough room for Ego and God to be in charge at the same time so one must give way to the other. When we want to allow God to take charge we say things like ‘Hand it over’, ‘Surrender’, ‘Submit’, ‘Let Go’. I have to clarify that this theory won’t work too well if you think of God as a Super Ego in the sky who can Make Shit Happen. The idea I guess I’m working on is that as opposed to the Ego which is Tension, God is without Ego and therefore to all intents equal to no-thing or no action and therefore Relaxation (Well in terms of physical transference of energy) 

0 & 1
-          OK so because we’re in the computer age and I’ve been told that computers work on Binary Code (I don’t know how it works but apparently that’s what it’s called). All the information we view is basically transmitted in a combinations of Zeros (0) and Ones (1) on and off. Now this is easily translated as Tension - Relaxation. Or Ego – God. OK I know it’s all really obvious but it’s the kind of thought process I have to go through before I understand anything that can be explained to a 4 year old and accepted on face value.


So where is this theory leading me? Nowhere really. It is obvious that if Shingles are brought on by stress then the solution to reducing the chances of getting shingles is to avoid stress.
But to learn to walk the middle road you’ve sometimes got to ponder… ;) 

Oh and Sam is slowly recovering now... this illness really knocked her out and she's trying to de-stress as much as possible.