Help... Nonsense

After a somewhat harried day I come home to be swamped with kids running amok in the house, crap all over the place, playing fighting yelling... making noises you would only expect to hear in a zoo.... Their mother sitting numb and stressed, non responsive on the couch.

I try to contain my agitation, sit down and pick up the latest children's book from the library and find a short poem that pretty much sums up the condition I am in 95% of the time.

Here it is....

HELP

Help, help
nothing's right
I can't find my ears
and my pants are too tight.

There's a clock in my sock 
there's a rose up my nose
there's an egg on my leg
and there's a stink in my sink.

Help, help
I've had enough
I can't find my eyes
and the going's getting tough.

There's bread in my bed
there's flies in my fries
there's a slug in my jug
and there's a ghost in my toast.

Help, help
I'm in a mess.
have you got my head?
the cat says yes.

The donkey says no
the hamster in the swimming pool 
says he doesn't know.

 (Michael Rosen's Book of Nonsense)

Thank you Michael... Thank you illustrator Clare Mackie.

And this is me when I have got my shit together.
lol. Have a nice day.

Another jaunt along the Cox Pen Rd

Last night I decided I'd get up really early and cycle around to Mandorah on the Cox Peninsular Rd... I had intended to do most of the ride in the dark but was somewhat unprepared and found myself fixing my tail light when I should have been peddling!
Instead of leaving home at 3am I didn't wake up until 3:45am and didn't actually get on the road until about 4:30am. A very nice hour for cycling but not quite as early as I would have liked. I have always found the best way for me to leave all my troubles behind... is to get on my bike and leave all my troubles behind! With the thought that I might just keep on riding and not look back... (I always manage to get it out of my system by the end of the day, after a long ride)

I have thought a lot about cycling at night without lights but realistically this would only work on outback roads where there's no traffic. This morning there was no moon to ride by and I really needed my headlamp. The dark path between McMillans Rd and Howard Springs has all kinds of potential dangers if you can't see where you're going! The main hindrance to riding without a lights is the traffic. Riding on the Stuart Highway without a taillight could lead to a very short journey interrupted by a cattle truck. The other issue the problem of oncoming traffic... Even though much of the road is divided, headlights still pierce the night and any oncoming traffic will ruin a cyclists night vision. At least with a head light I can see something once the initial glare has worn off.

It was a beautiful morning for a ride, the sky was clear and without a moon I could see all the stars... for company I had Tom Petty on my music player and Jupiter and Venus to watch over me as I peddled. These two made powerful companions.

Light finally began to filter through the sky just as I was leaving Noonamah, I was really starting to like riding at night and had hoped to get a bit further but was happy with my progress. Riding by torchlight is actually really nice, it made it much easier for me to stop anticipating what might be around the next corner or how far I had come. Most of my attention was focused on the tiny portion of road that came into the beam of my headlight, nothing more. As I rolled on my mind began to unwind, I pondered some ideas and gave them up to the road. Free at last!

Hard to breath, hard to see!

Berry Springs CFA, have their work cut out for them!

Approaching Berry Springs I cycled through a think haze of smoke, which lasted almost all the way to the Blackmore River. There were several tree trunks burning in the scrub by the side of the road and the silhouettes of dead trees all over... everything was blackened right up to the canopy. It was easy to see how quickly the bush was being thinned out by successive fires, this is Gamba country and it is copping a pounding! So were my lungs!

Blackmore River Bridge

Blackmore River Bridge (posing with bike again)

When I got to the Blackmore river bridge I stopped for my second breakfast and the obligatory photograh. I haven't done much riding over the past month... Too busy. My legs and arse were starting to feel the strain of this ride. After sitting by the river for a while I inspected my bike. She's pretty rough now. I really only ride this bike on long road trips and the rest of the time she's sitting around gathering cobwebs, with vines growing through her spokes. I did nothing before leaving home to make sure the old thing would make it all the way around except put some air the tyres. On closer inspection I realized that the rear tyre had vertually worn to a completely flat surface, it was becoming thin, and covered in small cracks! Maybe a new tire would have been a good idea... and the chain had started squeaking... I can't remember when I last oiled it!  Oh well off we go again!

As usual by the time I reached the Blackmore river my energy was spent! I pressed on regardless (thank goodness it was a cool day!). The panier was full of food and I pulled up at 20km intervals to eat. Everything tasted amazing! My energy was so low and muscles were exhausted so I tried to compensate with food! So much for improving my stamina and condition... When in doubt Pig Out!
Here's what I ate on the trip:

2 x Pink Lady Apples
6 x Museli Bars (the sweet sugary type)
1 x box of shapes biscuits
3 x liter water

As usual the second half of the ride was less fun than the first. My shoulders and wrists were aching from the riding position, knees were unable to bear heavy peddling (they don't want to bend at all now!) and my feet had gone numb from having to wear shoes! Oh yeh and the toe I'm pretty sure I'd fractured a few weeks ago was telling me it didn't want to do this anymore and puffed up a bit causing more numbness and pain in my feet.

The sea was a milky blue but clear beside the Mandora Pier.

Arriving in Mandorah the sea was incredibly flat, no wind. I collapsed in the shade of the shed on the pier and waited for the ferry. Within moments I'd drifted into a semi dream half sleep. Soon the ferry arrived, full of tourists headed for the pub. I dragged myself and my bike down the stairs and boarded the vessel... by now my body had given up the fight and I just wanted to lay down somewhere and have a nap! It was a grueling journey, yet again, but somehow the physical punishment does something good to my soul!

The trip home from the ferry was very slow. I'd read that Kris Larson was manning his mobile caffe, 'Brown Sugar', down at the yacht club and I was craving a cup so headed off that way but must have missed him by a day or two... Bummer! Dragged myself up the hill to Fanny Bay and then laboured along the bike path to a shady spot near the beach on Nightcliff foreshore where I lay down and dozed. I eventually made it home just before two, had a shower and collapsed... completely spent.

I just need a little shade!

A funny thing happened to me on the way to work this morning.... I didn't GO!
Nothing much has changed over the past few weeks... The work load at my job has finally reduced but I am realizing that the combination of unmanageable responsibilities and expectations over the past weeks.. (possibly months actually) has caused me to blow a gasket! I'm shot! Little things are too hard!


One more person knocking on my door
...hide behind the desk but I hear them call
There is no room in here at all
The window's too far for me to crawl...
I don't care now if I fall.
Careful they might hear me!
I gasp for breath above the paper bills
electronic debt kills
The stressed office boy puts down his quil
and the finance guy pops another pill
This sure aint what I thought it would be!
Greedy eyes and needy faces...
they stand in packs... jostling for places
Spouting blessings but stealing graces.
In this world, there's no empty spaces!
Needing wanting demanding, appearing..
They rise like hills and block like mountains!
The numbers rise as virtue dies
I tremble and shudder when I realize
to continue will be my demise
It's too late to halt the red mist
It clouds my eyes and screws my mind!

Cargo cult conspirators
Grab for more but choke on Coco-Cola dreams!
The heat is rising in this place.
God give me shade!



 (We sit in the shade thankful for the trees at Sunset Park)

Today I didn't go to work. Instead I went for a ride with Sam and the kids. We rode down to sunset park and found some lovely shade! Proper natural shade from a tree! In the dry season you can sit in the shade of a tree and feel much cooler than in the sun. A cool off shore breeze blew across the grass, damp from recent watering and we lay on our rug as the kids played on the swing.
Whhhhheeewwwwwhhhh.... a long breath out. The phone hasn't rung for over an hour... I'm starting to relax and realize how worn out I really am! Sam is too. But I think I broke something this time. I know Ive gotta find some more shade... Big One Shade! Not that crap that filters through that synthetic shade cloth with a price attached to it! Not some 15 minute intermission! Real Shade... Tree Shade... Soul Shade!

End of my tether.... Or just plain tired!

Here's a quickie just to remind myself... of something... or other.

Here's a brief rundown from my past few weeks, just in case I forget what a drag it's been!

A couple of weekends ago I had a family weekend away, which was fun! I rode my bike out to Noonamah and managed to set the tent up and have fun with the kids. I also attempted to join a game of back yard soccer. During the game I stuck my right foot into a clump of pandanas (I'm still picking the spikes out) and kicked something hard with my left foot and, I'm pretty sure I ended up fracturing the big toe on my left foot! The ride home was OK wearing only thongs but when I tried to put shoes on at work the next day the intensity of the pain ensured that I'd have to wear my thongs to work for the next couple of weeks.

I'm not too sure how my Boss felt about this since we were preparing for the organizations AGM but I wasn't too bothered, the bruising on my toe made it quite obvious that shoes would be uncomfortable.

From the time I got home from camp my life has been a blur! My workload has been ridiculous and the demands put upon me, completely unreasonable! Nothing extreme of course but the accumulation of shit I've had to deal with has left me on the edge of cracking up! Organizing travel for about 50 people can be difficult... travel for the mob I work for is another thing all together! The number of cancellations and re-bookings would drive most people nuts before the work even started! (I think I had actually lost the plot before the meetings commenced!)

 Masahito Walks into Darwin

Somewhere along the way I met this Japanese guy who seemed a little bit messed up from too much time on the road... He'd walked from Melbourne to Darwin! The idea seemed good to me though. 

The whole time has been a huge mess of flight bookings, cancellations, re-bookings, airport pickups, arranging meals, escorting people to and from accommodation, trying to take minutes of meetings, chasing up people who should be here and chasing off people who shouldn't be! I've been nagged, prodded pushed and pounded... Literally! On one evening I had to assist my colleague who'd unwittingly allowed some intoxicated people to get onto the bus he was driving. The episode ended in a suburban street, the bus hastily parked when a side window was smash by a whiskey fueled psychopath who could not be pacified. My intervention resulted only in me being smashed in the ribs by this bloke, after several calls already having been made for the police to come and assist... Now a week later I'm still finding it hard to sleep and every time I cough a sharp pain jabs me in the chest and the back... I reckon it's only muscle damage but enough to keep me awake at night when I really need the sleep! before I started my usual duties at work the next day I was supposed to get the guy out of the lockup at 6:00am. I was 10 minutes late and they'd already let him out but couldn't even confirm that he'd been in custody! And they call it protective custody!

My routine has been get up at six am, pick up some locals and bring them to the meeting place for breakfast... take care of everybody's personal needs during the day, drive people around, take minutes of meetings etc.. etc... (OK it doesn't sound like much but you've really got to be there!) after the meetings help people to visit relatives in hospital etc... etc... I usually get home close to midnight! By the time the week long meetings had ended I had reached my limit of endurance! I couldn't take any more but this year is special, this year I have to bring another group through town on their way to Alice Springs! Organize travel, book, cancel, re-book, organize accommodation, food, then more travel... then do the whole lot again when they return in less than a week! 

I'm currently in the middle of this process and wondering if I'm going to survive! I've only ridden my bike once in the past two weeks! My ability to concentrate is minimal, my temper is fraying and I have narrowly avoided getting into a fight twice already. (That's not counting the elbow to the ribs last Sunday night) Somewhere in amongst all this fun I did manage to take the family to see the Moscow Circus! Hallelujah for the Circus!   

Balloon Guy at the Circus (That could be me!)

The Circus broke the monotony but I'm not out of the woods yet. The stress has caught up with me and the tickle in my throat is making me cough and it hurts and I break out laughing like an idiot coz I'm delirious from lack of sleep and it hurts and the kids want to jump all over me and play... and I yell at them to get off... and the dishes haven't been done and the house is a mess and I'm trying real hard not to loose it!

Busted toe, bruised ribs, head like a tin of cockroaches on a hotplate... Please tell me why I am doing this? My bike is right outside the back door... I could just jump on it at any time and... 

But I think I'll just listen to "Wild Billy's Circus Story" one more time and wonder what Jesus will bring to save all us clowns! And ponder the seriousness of it all. ;)

In the balance between 0 and 1

Two delicious looking Kiwi Fruit are sitting on my desk at work… they’ve been there all week while I stuff some kind of sponge cake filled with hand whipped cream into my ungracious gob! Leftovers are always set aside for me in the fridge at work. Everyone knows never to throw food out when I’m around. My budget’s tight and to waste food seems criminal so I eat it!

It’s the dry season and people are beginning to roll into town. Old friends have turned up out of the blue so on Wednesday I stole some personal time, went and ate lunch with them at the Casino. All you can eat stuff yer guts, there’s half price vouchers at the back of one of their dry season pamphlets. Personally I hate casinos but have no qualms about taking advantage of the misery subsidised meals they serve in their restaurant. I walk past stricken gamblers joyfully anticipating a full lunch… (Usually all I tend to eat is stale peanut butter and jam sandwiches… I don’t really like them.) What a weird sensation to be sitting down to eat lunch with friends… I couldn’t avoid the guilty feelings as I thought of Sam at home looking after our youngest and recovering from a terrible episode of Shingles (Or so the medical report has finally diagnosed and the centre for disease control confirmed when they called later the same day). Guilt passes over me… I think about her for a moment and then head back to the food bar for some Chicken Korma with rice!

Early last week we had a terrible episode. After a week of considerable neck pain Sam collapsed in the shower, (Overdose on painkillers) and had to be taken by ambulance to hospital. She was a mess, with sores all over her right shoulder, neck and chest. Dr’s thought it was a chemical burn from Tiger balm but swabbed her anyway and called just this week to say it was actually shingles. Shingles, apparently come from having had Chicken pox and usually affect elderly people. The condition can be brought on by stress and I’d have to say that stress is definitely the culprit! STRESS!

We don’t have many real causes for stress in our lives but the mind can be a dangerous thing… sometimes the greatest enemy of all! An obsessive mind can fixate on a problem and before you know it you’re stressed out!  

So the problem appears to be Stress or Tension and what is the opposite to this? Well obviously it must be relaxation. Now this got my brain going on an idea that I can’t put down. We’ve been discussing matters of religion, God the universe and everything and several experiences just seemed to fall into place… (These may be obvious to everyone else but an authentic realisation should not be sneezed at no matter how many people may already know the same thing already. Here is the basic concept I’ve been contemplating.

Tension vs Relaxation – Ego vs God consciousness – 1 vs 0

Tension & relaxation

-          There’s a basic principal in the martial arts which utilizes the energy created between alternating Tension and Relaxation, conservation and concentration of energy combined with good timing can produce a powerful result.

-          Significance of the play between sound and the absence of sound in music. Tension the finger strikes the key producing sound, relaxation the tension or pressure is released the hand rests and is then able to be reapplied to the next action. Sound…. No Sound…

-          All actions require a period of no action in order that the body can rest, rejuvenate and be ready to be applied again to a new action.  

God & Ego

-          This may press some buttons if you have a concept of God that is not compatible… I haven’t checked this with God so can’t be 100% sure if it is correct but when I think of myself or at least who I think I am… or basically Ego… I am reminded of the Will. We exert Will, it is an agent of action, driven by basic instincts but subject to our intellect to some degree. In this physical world we simply must, ‘get shit done’ and without Ego we wouldn’t get much done at all, what would motivate us to act. By my reckoning Ego = Tension. To seek to become closer to God it is necessary to deflate Ego… For most of us (Well for me at least) There isn’t enough room for Ego and God to be in charge at the same time so one must give way to the other. When we want to allow God to take charge we say things like ‘Hand it over’, ‘Surrender’, ‘Submit’, ‘Let Go’. I have to clarify that this theory won’t work too well if you think of God as a Super Ego in the sky who can Make Shit Happen. The idea I guess I’m working on is that as opposed to the Ego which is Tension, God is without Ego and therefore to all intents equal to no-thing or no action and therefore Relaxation (Well in terms of physical transference of energy) 

0 & 1

-          OK so because we’re in the computer age and I’ve been told that computers work on Binary Code (I don’t know how it works but apparently that’s what it’s called). All the information we view is basically transmitted in a combinations of Zeros (0) and Ones (1) on and off. Now this is easily translated as Tension - Relaxation. Or Ego – God. OK I know it’s all really obvious but it’s the kind of thought process I have to go through before I understand anything that can be explained to a 4 year old and accepted on face value.

So where is this theory leading me? Nowhere really. It is obvious that if Shingles are brought on by stress then the solution to reducing the chances of getting shingles is to avoid stress.

But to learn to walk the middle road you’ve sometimes got to ponder… ;) 

Oh and Sam is slowly recovering now... this illness really knocked her out and she's trying to de-stress as much as possible. 

Rest - a Parasympathetic imperative!

Last night I actually got to bed before midnight!

Burning the candle at both ends has worm me down... way, way down! I have ignored all the signs and laughed at suggestions that I get some rest. I don't operate heavy machinery, I sit in an office for most of the day, who should care if I stay up every now and then? Surely I'm entitled to a little bit of me time!

Well every now and then has once again become every night! After a day sitting, mostly at the computer I come home, get straight into taking care of kids and family and once they are all settled and sleeping, the adolescent in me says great! Now it's my time! And so I switch on the computer and catch up on all the stuff I'd really like to be doing if I had more time! I convince myself that there's no harm in it but I recently read an article in Kindred magazine titled A Place to Rest that made reference to the Parasympathetic Nervous System. 

My lifestyle would appear pretty easy to most people but the reality is that I am suffering from stress! TRUE!

Having virtually collapsed from unhealthy exhaustion last night the article reminded me of all the aspects of life I've been pushing to the side for too long. Physical exertion, meditation and most importantly some healthy Rest! I have refused to rest! I know I need it but I've fueled myself on caffeine and insisted on getting my fair share of time to do what I like! The problem is that the most available time, when I don't have other commitments is late at night when everyone is asleep... and when I should be too! I have no energy to actually do anything so I jump on the computer! I can defrag the computer but my mind remains over wound.

I have never coped well with sitting around at other people's leisure! Not that I have miles of strength or energy but I am one of those people who is much better off put to productive use! The sedentary life is like a slow death! I enjoy the comfort of working in an office and I love my family but I respond to captivity like an animal caged. I have developed a neurosis! Reading this article which mentions the Parasympathetic Nervous System reminded me of the harm I know my lifestyle is doing to me... It's gotta change!

Well actually it is changing, little by little. Just for today I have managed to counter this problem! (I say as I type about it so close to midnight!) Today I spent the whole day outside with my boy! It was hot and we sweated... Spending the morning laboring down at our community garden in Nightcliff was a great way to exercise the demons of idleness! Then off to the pool for a swimming lesson, followed by a fairly long cruise along the foreshore on our bike, visiting a friend and eventually returning home at about 4pm exhausted (and sunburned...). Physically exhausted and completely happy. Ready to rest! As my boy gets older I am gradually finding ways to get us both out there. I think he's a lot like me and enjoys the stimulus of being amongst the plants, working in the soil, meeting the Frilled Necked Lizards, the people and the weather!

This morning it rained on us while we rode down McMillans Rd. We sang and laughed as we cycled through the tropical shower. When we arrived at the garden it was hot but we were happy to see the chooks and eat snake beans off the vine! We inspected the Banana Circle that we'd help to make the week before and found the compost rich and steaming, full of life! The boy happily wandered off to find lizards and collect cicada shells while I cut bamboo and chatted with my gardening friends... As far as I can tell this is about the best way to prevent:

• Heart disease
• Sleep problems
• Digestive problems
• Muscle tension, pain, and headaches
• Depression
• Obesity
• Memory impairment
• Worsening of skin conditions, such as eczema

• Anxiety
• Restlessness
• Inattention, lack of focus
• Irritability and aggression
• Sadness, depression, and lack of motivation
• Over-eating or under-eating
• Smoking, drug, and alcohol abuse

(List of ailments as per that article in the Kindred magazine)

It's been really difficult to get any time to Rest at home since we had the kids, (Several years) Today was one of the few days in all of that time when I could actually lay down on the bed for half an hour, during the day without having to break up a fight, change a nappy, prepare someones food, or attend to any number of other domestic responsibilities or demands. I actually managed to get half an hour of real Rest! BLISS!

Now that the boy is getting older we may be stepping into a new phase of family life. My mission will be to wear him and myself out physically whenever the opportunity avails. This will be our path to peace!