Post-Op Euphoria

Surgery complete!
(A one handed journal entry)

Many an undaunted Valkyrie has held my fate this past week. God bless em all! 

5:45am  - Wake to the sound of my mobile phone alarm. Get dressed sit quietly on the end of my bed... Thank the almighty for the taste of air.

6:30am - My friend and all-round good guy Graham pulls up outside in the dark... He's my ride to the hospital. He cracks a few jokes, reminds me I'm gonna be sore when I wake and drops me at the door of the hospital with a good luck handshake and a smile. "Call me when you're ready to go home!"

7:00am - Admission processing with a bunch of other day surgery  patients... Stand on the scale, answer the questions, wait... How long? Who knows how long we'll be waiting? I'm told it could be all day.
I look around at the other patients. No one screaming or crying... everyone is fairly comfortable. I settle in for a long day. How did I feel this morning? ...A little bit shit actually! It's two weeks since the accident and my hand is beginning to resemble a bruised limp claw of a freshly killed chicken! Twisted, shrunken and useless! The pain had radiated from the wrist up my arm to my elbow and shoulder... "Errrrgh" 

7:30am - Called into the surgery ward for pre-op processing. Filled out paperwork, answered questions, gowned up... I don't mind the open backed hospital gowns even if the do leave the ass exposed but I felt a bit like Mardi Gras queen wearing those see through knickers! Nurse came back to inform me of the procedure once I managed to get the full kit on... (Of course with a bung hand I couldn't get the back done up but who the hell really cares about nudity in a hospital...right?) So the deal is, she says:
"You're on the emergency list for day surgery. There's a bunch of other patients on the list, you're about 6th. Some of them are serious and could take a long time, you might not be seen until tonight. Oh and if there's an emergency liver transplant day surgery will be canceled." 
"Errr.... OK." Say I, hoping that I can be treated without costing some poor beggar a liver...

8:30am -  Anesthesiologist drops by to double check my health, allergies etc... she explains the process and tells me I am now first on the list... five minutes later I'm being wheeled into theatre. Smoothly and gently the nurse slides another hollow metallic shaft through the skin and into a tributary to my heart... a mask over my mouth and nose she let the fluid flow... "Breathe deeply..." Said the nurse. My eyes wide oped I play at resisting sleep... I smell the rich chemical sleeping potion. Breathing fully, extending the abdomen holding for a second, fully exhaling, then repeating... fully conscious... I feel a queer ridiculous smile stretch across my face breaking the seal on the gas mask....

11:15am - Levitating over coral reefs in a sailing boat on a crystal sea, The Mainsail is full (actually sail looked more like a hot air balloon...Red and Yellow), we're on a close reach, gliding narrowly between the deep water and the shore...  (Colours! I thought dreams were black and white?!). First mate reclining luxuriously on the deck with a sparkling mineralwater and fruit juice pressed to her lips...(It's my wife of course!)
"Daaaavid......Daaaavid....CaN yooou hEar MEeeee...me?"  The Island starts to fade.... waves turn to foam... palm trees evaporate... girl... disapears like a genie back into her bottle.....
"David WAKE UP...." Something's not right!
"What the F#*!" Someone is calling me! I clutch at the remains of paradise as the last grains of sand slip through my fingers... sea wisps into a vapor and then gone... I hear my name again... I think I'm somewhere else.....
"David can you hear me?" Oh... I realize I am being woken up.... I'm in hospital... 'Did I miss the operation?' **Pain throbs through my left hand**  'Nope... I must have slept right through it!'
I respond to the voice.... "Yes... I can hear you, I'm wake..."

11:30am - They bring me a glass of water, then a coffee and sandwich... I sit quietly on the edge of my bed... The dream gone but the warm happy feeling remains... I feel a strange sense of compassion and affection for everyone... I want to hug my surgeons, nurses and everyone... Of course I don't see any of them after the operation and Hospital staff rarely have time for human interactions with patients. Probably not a good idea anyway, since my gown has been removed and all I'm wearing is my see through paper panties! Soon I am given permission to get dressed, I do so clumsily and sit quietly on the edge of my bed until I am released.

12:00pm - My poor mum turns up on the ward to spring me from hospital. I'm out! It's only midday and it's all over!

Came home to blue flowers... maybe this is the unreality?

 
Dad drove us home where I have spent the rest of the day in some kind of drug induced euphoria! I have a fair bit of pain in my hand now but no anxiety, no restlessness. It's now 9pm and I haven't looked longingly out the window once in the whole day... I've made a few phone calls to close friends I'd forgotten to appreciate due to my various distracted longings... What has happened to me? I feel content! What a strange feeling this is! How long it's been since I was here...

A parcel arrived today... mail order hamper from my darlings in Darwin... Byron Bay coffee, Siena Panforte cake from Trentham Tucker and a bunch of other treats to share! Instinct tells me this is dangerous territory. Just a couple of days ago I was massively depressed now I am elated... Who knows what tomorrow will bring.


 

Another jaunt along the Cox Pen Rd

Last night I decided I'd get up really early and cycle around to Mandorah on the Cox Peninsular Rd... I had intended to do most of the ride in the dark but was somewhat unprepared and found myself fixing my tail light when I should have been peddling!
Instead of leaving home at 3am I didn't wake up until 3:45am and didn't actually get on the road until about 4:30am. A very nice hour for cycling but not quite as early as I would have liked. I have always found the best way for me to leave all my troubles behind... is to get on my bike and leave all my troubles behind! With the thought that I might just keep on riding and not look back... (I always manage to get it out of my system by the end of the day, after a long ride)

I have thought a lot about cycling at night without lights but realistically this would only work on outback roads where there's no traffic. This morning there was no moon to ride by and I really needed my headlamp. The dark path between McMillans Rd and Howard Springs has all kinds of potential dangers if you can't see where you're going! The main hindrance to riding without a lights is the traffic. Riding on the Stuart Highway without a taillight could lead to a very short journey interrupted by a cattle truck. The other issue the problem of oncoming traffic... Even though much of the road is divided, headlights still pierce the night and any oncoming traffic will ruin a cyclists night vision. At least with a head light I can see something once the initial glare has worn off.

It was a beautiful morning for a ride, the sky was clear and without a moon I could see all the stars... for company I had Tom Petty on my music player and Jupiter and Venus to watch over me as I peddled. These two made powerful companions.

Light finally began to filter through the sky just as I was leaving Noonamah, I was really starting to like riding at night and had hoped to get a bit further but was happy with my progress. Riding by torchlight is actually really nice, it made it much easier for me to stop anticipating what might be around the next corner or how far I had come. Most of my attention was focused on the tiny portion of road that came into the beam of my headlight, nothing more. As I rolled on my mind began to unwind, I pondered some ideas and gave them up to the road. Free at last!

Hard to breath, hard to see!

Berry Springs CFA, have their work cut out for them!

Approaching Berry Springs I cycled through a think haze of smoke, which lasted almost all the way to the Blackmore River. There were several tree trunks burning in the scrub by the side of the road and the silhouettes of dead trees all over... everything was blackened right up to the canopy. It was easy to see how quickly the bush was being thinned out by successive fires, this is Gamba country and it is copping a pounding! So were my lungs!

Blackmore River Bridge

Blackmore River Bridge (posing with bike again)

When I got to the Blackmore river bridge I stopped for my second breakfast and the obligatory photograh. I haven't done much riding over the past month... Too busy. My legs and arse were starting to feel the strain of this ride. After sitting by the river for a while I inspected my bike. She's pretty rough now. I really only ride this bike on long road trips and the rest of the time she's sitting around gathering cobwebs, with vines growing through her spokes. I did nothing before leaving home to make sure the old thing would make it all the way around except put some air the tyres. On closer inspection I realized that the rear tyre had vertually worn to a completely flat surface, it was becoming thin, and covered in small cracks! Maybe a new tire would have been a good idea... and the chain had started squeaking... I can't remember when I last oiled it!  Oh well off we go again!

As usual by the time I reached the Blackmore river my energy was spent! I pressed on regardless (thank goodness it was a cool day!). The panier was full of food and I pulled up at 20km intervals to eat. Everything tasted amazing! My energy was so low and muscles were exhausted so I tried to compensate with food! So much for improving my stamina and condition... When in doubt Pig Out!
Here's what I ate on the trip:

2 x Pink Lady Apples
6 x Museli Bars (the sweet sugary type)
1 x box of shapes biscuits
3 x liter water

As usual the second half of the ride was less fun than the first. My shoulders and wrists were aching from the riding position, knees were unable to bear heavy peddling (they don't want to bend at all now!) and my feet had gone numb from having to wear shoes! Oh yeh and the toe I'm pretty sure I'd fractured a few weeks ago was telling me it didn't want to do this anymore and puffed up a bit causing more numbness and pain in my feet.

The sea was a milky blue but clear beside the Mandora Pier.

Arriving in Mandorah the sea was incredibly flat, no wind. I collapsed in the shade of the shed on the pier and waited for the ferry. Within moments I'd drifted into a semi dream half sleep. Soon the ferry arrived, full of tourists headed for the pub. I dragged myself and my bike down the stairs and boarded the vessel... by now my body had given up the fight and I just wanted to lay down somewhere and have a nap! It was a grueling journey, yet again, but somehow the physical punishment does something good to my soul!

The trip home from the ferry was very slow. I'd read that Kris Larson was manning his mobile caffe, 'Brown Sugar', down at the yacht club and I was craving a cup so headed off that way but must have missed him by a day or two... Bummer! Dragged myself up the hill to Fanny Bay and then laboured along the bike path to a shady spot near the beach on Nightcliff foreshore where I lay down and dozed. I eventually made it home just before two, had a shower and collapsed... completely spent.

End of my tether.... Or just plain tired!

Here's a quickie just to remind myself... of something... or other.

Here's a brief rundown from my past few weeks, just in case I forget what a drag it's been!

A couple of weekends ago I had a family weekend away, which was fun! I rode my bike out to Noonamah and managed to set the tent up and have fun with the kids. I also attempted to join a game of back yard soccer. During the game I stuck my right foot into a clump of pandanas (I'm still picking the spikes out) and kicked something hard with my left foot and, I'm pretty sure I ended up fracturing the big toe on my left foot! The ride home was OK wearing only thongs but when I tried to put shoes on at work the next day the intensity of the pain ensured that I'd have to wear my thongs to work for the next couple of weeks.

I'm not too sure how my Boss felt about this since we were preparing for the organizations AGM but I wasn't too bothered, the bruising on my toe made it quite obvious that shoes would be uncomfortable.

From the time I got home from camp my life has been a blur! My workload has been ridiculous and the demands put upon me, completely unreasonable! Nothing extreme of course but the accumulation of shit I've had to deal with has left me on the edge of cracking up! Organizing travel for about 50 people can be difficult... travel for the mob I work for is another thing all together! The number of cancellations and re-bookings would drive most people nuts before the work even started! (I think I had actually lost the plot before the meetings commenced!)

 Masahito Walks into Darwin

Somewhere along the way I met this Japanese guy who seemed a little bit messed up from too much time on the road... He'd walked from Melbourne to Darwin! The idea seemed good to me though. 

The whole time has been a huge mess of flight bookings, cancellations, re-bookings, airport pickups, arranging meals, escorting people to and from accommodation, trying to take minutes of meetings, chasing up people who should be here and chasing off people who shouldn't be! I've been nagged, prodded pushed and pounded... Literally! On one evening I had to assist my colleague who'd unwittingly allowed some intoxicated people to get onto the bus he was driving. The episode ended in a suburban street, the bus hastily parked when a side window was smash by a whiskey fueled psychopath who could not be pacified. My intervention resulted only in me being smashed in the ribs by this bloke, after several calls already having been made for the police to come and assist... Now a week later I'm still finding it hard to sleep and every time I cough a sharp pain jabs me in the chest and the back... I reckon it's only muscle damage but enough to keep me awake at night when I really need the sleep! before I started my usual duties at work the next day I was supposed to get the guy out of the lockup at 6:00am. I was 10 minutes late and they'd already let him out but couldn't even confirm that he'd been in custody! And they call it protective custody!

My routine has been get up at six am, pick up some locals and bring them to the meeting place for breakfast... take care of everybody's personal needs during the day, drive people around, take minutes of meetings etc.. etc... (OK it doesn't sound like much but you've really got to be there!) after the meetings help people to visit relatives in hospital etc... etc... I usually get home close to midnight! By the time the week long meetings had ended I had reached my limit of endurance! I couldn't take any more but this year is special, this year I have to bring another group through town on their way to Alice Springs! Organize travel, book, cancel, re-book, organize accommodation, food, then more travel... then do the whole lot again when they return in less than a week! 

I'm currently in the middle of this process and wondering if I'm going to survive! I've only ridden my bike once in the past two weeks! My ability to concentrate is minimal, my temper is fraying and I have narrowly avoided getting into a fight twice already. (That's not counting the elbow to the ribs last Sunday night) Somewhere in amongst all this fun I did manage to take the family to see the Moscow Circus! Hallelujah for the Circus!   

Balloon Guy at the Circus (That could be me!)

The Circus broke the monotony but I'm not out of the woods yet. The stress has caught up with me and the tickle in my throat is making me cough and it hurts and I break out laughing like an idiot coz I'm delirious from lack of sleep and it hurts and the kids want to jump all over me and play... and I yell at them to get off... and the dishes haven't been done and the house is a mess and I'm trying real hard not to loose it!

Busted toe, bruised ribs, head like a tin of cockroaches on a hotplate... Please tell me why I am doing this? My bike is right outside the back door... I could just jump on it at any time and... 

But I think I'll just listen to "Wild Billy's Circus Story" one more time and wonder what Jesus will bring to save all us clowns! And ponder the seriousness of it all. ;)

fallen bark and broken hearts

Etched jagged through the bark
Torn fiber, coagulated sap
the trauma leaves a familiar mark
No retreat for the broken heart