(A one handed journal entry)
|Many an undaunted Valkyrie has held my fate this past week. God bless em all!|
5:45am - Wake to the sound of my mobile phone alarm. Get dressed sit quietly on the end of my bed... Thank the almighty for the taste of air.
6:30am - My friend and all-round good guy Graham pulls up outside in the dark... He's my ride to the hospital. He cracks a few jokes, reminds me I'm gonna be sore when I wake and drops me at the door of the hospital with a good luck handshake and a smile. "Call me when you're ready to go home!"
7:00am - Admission processing with a bunch of other day surgery patients... Stand on the scale, answer the questions, wait... How long? Who knows how long we'll be waiting? I'm told it could be all day.
I look around at the other patients. No one screaming or crying... everyone is fairly comfortable. I settle in for a long day. How did I feel this morning? ...A little bit shit actually! It's two weeks since the accident and my hand is beginning to resemble a bruised limp claw of a freshly killed chicken! Twisted, shrunken and useless! The pain had radiated from the wrist up my arm to my elbow and shoulder... "Errrrgh"
7:30am - Called into the surgery ward for pre-op processing. Filled out paperwork, answered questions, gowned up... I don't mind the open backed hospital gowns even if the do leave the ass exposed but I felt a bit like Mardi Gras queen wearing those see through knickers! Nurse came back to inform me of the procedure once I managed to get the full kit on... (Of course with a bung hand I couldn't get the back done up but who the hell really cares about nudity in a hospital...right?) So the deal is, she says:
"You're on the emergency list for day surgery. There's a bunch of other patients on the list, you're about 6th. Some of them are serious and could take a long time, you might not be seen until tonight. Oh and if there's an emergency liver transplant day surgery will be canceled."
"Errr.... OK." Say I, hoping that I can be treated without costing some poor beggar a liver...
8:30am - Anesthesiologist drops by to double check my health, allergies etc... she explains the process and tells me I am now first on the list... five minutes later I'm being wheeled into theatre. Smoothly and gently the nurse slides another hollow metallic shaft through the skin and into a tributary to my heart... a mask over my mouth and nose she let the fluid flow... "Breathe deeply..." Said the nurse. My eyes wide oped I play at resisting sleep... I smell the rich chemical sleeping potion. Breathing fully, extending the abdomen holding for a second, fully exhaling, then repeating... fully conscious... I feel a queer ridiculous smile stretch across my face breaking the seal on the gas mask....
11:15am - Levitating over coral reefs in a sailing boat on a crystal sea, The Mainsail is full (actually sail looked more like a hot air balloon...Red and Yellow), we're on a close reach, gliding narrowly between the deep water and the shore... (Colours! I thought dreams were black and white?!). First mate reclining luxuriously on the deck with a sparkling mineralwater and fruit juice pressed to her lips...(It's my wife of course!)
"Daaaavid......Daaaavid....CaN yooou hEar MEeeee...me?" The Island starts to fade.... waves turn to foam... palm trees evaporate... girl... disapears like a genie back into her bottle.....
"David WAKE UP...." Something's not right!
"What the F#*!" Someone is calling me! I clutch at the remains of paradise as the last grains of sand slip through my fingers... sea wisps into a vapor and then gone... I hear my name again... I think I'm somewhere else.....
"David can you hear me?" Oh... I realize I am being woken up.... I'm in hospital... 'Did I miss the operation?' **Pain throbs through my left hand** 'Nope... I must have slept right through it!'
I respond to the voice.... "Yes... I can hear you, I'm wake..."
11:30am - They bring me a glass of water, then a coffee and sandwich... I sit quietly on the edge of my bed... The dream gone but the warm happy feeling remains... I feel a strange sense of compassion and affection for everyone... I want to hug my surgeons, nurses and everyone... Of course I don't see any of them after the operation and Hospital staff rarely have time for human interactions with patients. Probably not a good idea anyway, since my gown has been removed and all I'm wearing is my see through paper panties! Soon I am given permission to get dressed, I do so clumsily and sit quietly on the edge of my bed until I am released.
12:00pm - My poor mum turns up on the ward to spring me from hospital. I'm out! It's only midday and it's all over!
|Came home to blue flowers... maybe this is the unreality?|
Dad drove us home where I have spent the rest of the day in some kind of drug induced euphoria! I have a fair bit of pain in my hand now but no anxiety, no restlessness. It's now 9pm and I haven't looked longingly out the window once in the whole day... I've made a few phone calls to close friends I'd forgotten to appreciate due to my various distracted longings... What has happened to me? I feel content! What a strange feeling this is! How long it's been since I was here...
A parcel arrived today... mail order hamper from my darlings in Darwin... Byron Bay coffee, Siena Panforte cake from Trentham Tucker and a bunch of other treats to share! Instinct tells me this is dangerous territory. Just a couple of days ago I was massively depressed now I am elated... Who knows what tomorrow will bring.