Tuesday, December 20, 2016

A jaw on the road

Loss as being

I gave up the retreat from life
The frantic quest for oblivion

Quit my drug of choice 
Turned my back on a lie
Cheated chemical dependence

I gave into the fact of my feeble existence

Stopped turning away

Turned off the TV

Opened my eyes
Saw… and I wept

I turned back to the world and loved it without fear

Witnessed the cost of our indifference

Then accepted my place and I lived...

To be continued one day at a time until it is ended.

Back in the dry season while spending time in nature, not far from home and work.

I slept on the ground in a quiet space. One night I heard a rustling in the grass, then a thumping as something hopped away. Then it returned again and retreated, it edged closer and closer as time went on until finally I caught a glimpse of it out of the corner of my eye. I slowly turned to look and by the pale din of half-moon light, I discovered a bandicoot only a meter away from where I was laying. What a beautiful treat! Such a curious animal, he came to sus me out, had a bit of a sniff, then scampered back into the pandanus. Before I met him I felt a bit lonely and slightly worried about my safety, wondering if someone might find me sleeping there in the open scrub. Having met my bandicoot friend I felt assured that nobody is likely to come this way.

Yesterday on my way to work I traveled along the road which passes my secret bush camp. As I peddled along the bitumen wetted from monsoonal rain, I saw a mound in the road right by that place. It was an animal, dead… a bandicoot!

I kept riding, I’d had enough of the destruction in this place and just wanted to tune it all out! Give me a movie, TV, morphine…. Something to stop the pain, block the persistent and eternal reminders that nobody cares for anything! I kept riding but I knew I couldn’t go on. I can’t block out what I know is true and must be dealt with! I slowed and pulled across to the verge, looked in the middle of the road and found another one! Right there! Right where I had stopped! I removed the mangled carcass from the road as drivers slowed and looked quizzically at why I would get in their way! I laid the fur and bones in the grass under a tree, pieces of meat hanging from sinew. 

Jaw bone in part

Got on my bike and moved off, back the way I had come and found the terrible remains of my little friend, I pealed the body off the road and gathered the larger pieces. Still fresh, red lumps of flesh held together by bits of fur, bones jutting out on every angle. I walked a little way into the trees and lay it down on the ground. I didn’t cry. I just wondered. Is this it? Does it have to come to this again? Does the indifference of people and progress have to be my constant tormentor? God bless the fragile ones.

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