Precious

The clock has ticked past 12, it's now the final
day of 2014. Just another day really.

Tonight Sam and I remembered, quietly and sadly friends who have died this year. 

It has been a tough year I have spent the past week just hanging out at home with Sam 

and the kids but in the back of my mind I worry about friends who are alone. This year we have seen too many unnecessary deaths! 

3 lost to suicide (all unrelated) and the tragic loss of two more beautiful children whose lives were cut short.

I know so many lonely people, so many people who are under pressure and too often alone, they suffer from loneliness but often they keep their despair to themselves.

When I look back over the years I have lost way too many friends to this thing! Something is wrong! Something is broken that so many would think there's no other choice but to take this most drastic step.

I don't know what I can say really, except acknowledge their passing and remember that our time here is short and soon we will all be dust.

We will all pass and before long forgotten. It's no great matter once we're gone. But while we live maybe there's room for just a little more kindness.

Candles still burning for Jenny and the kids. Morning after memorial on Rapid Creek.

In June this year news spread of a shocking incident which took place on a friends property in Jingili. The death of Jenny and her two children left our community numb and confused. Our hearts were broken to learn what had happened. The final report stated it was double murder suicide. How do we deal with such a tragedy? Can we ever understand the effect this has had on the families of those two children? I have thought of them over the Christmas period and pray they get some respite from their suffering. For the care of children it is right to ask ourselves what more could I have done!
A couple of days after the incident an impromptu memorial was organized by close friends and held on the bank of Rapid Creek. I am sure I'm not the only one who felt ambivalent about the situation. I was angry and sad, rage swelled in me to think a parent could do this to her children, yet it happens a lot. Pain! Too much pain. By the end of the service had resolved a lot of my outrage and could only think to care for so many lonely people, I had no idea at that time I would loose two more friends just 5 months later.

I left the memorial alone, without talking to anyone but returned the next morning before dawn. 3 candles were still burning. I sat by the river and watched the sun rise. Around me life went on as usual. People jogging, cycling, walking their dogs. Over night the tide continued it's rhythm, I threw some left over flowers into the creek, the creek continued to flow and carried the petals out to sea.

Stay - Leonardo's Bride

"...And I say to mankind, Be not curious about God,
  For I who am curious about each am not curious about God,
  (No array of terms can say how much I am at peace about God and
      about death.)

  I hear and behold God in every object, yet understand God not in the least,
  Nor do I understand who there can be more wonderful than myself.

  Why should I wish to see God better than this day?
  I see something of God each hour of the twenty-four, and each moment then,
  In the faces of men and women I see God, and in my own face in the glass,
  I find letters from God dropt in the street, and every one is sign'd
  by God's name,
  And I leave them where they are, for I know that wheresoe'er I go,
  Others will punctually come for ever and ever.

  And as to you Death, and you bitter hug of mortality, it is idle to

  try to alarm me..." 

 - (Walt Whitman. from Song of Myself of the book Leaves of Grass)

5

Your hearts were torn in life, may God bless you as you rest.
Tonight we'll light 5 candles.

Christmas day. Darwin

Merry Christmas

Darwin Christmas sky. NT

May God bless you and keep you safe

Pedaling the dream

Sometimes I get into arguments... my wife reminds me not to get stirred up and importantly, not to cause unnecessary discomfort to others. In frustration, when I used to argue a lot, she would say to me "Do you want to be right? Or do you want to be happy?". I get it I really do get why sometimes it is more important to keep the peace rather than be guided by my pride deeper into a battle of wills with everyone around me. But what about when the argument is not to impose my own opinion on others but to find out. What is the truth?

What if the question became: "Do you want the truth? Or do you want to be happy?"
I'm sure from time to time most of us would prefer to continue believing a beautiful lie than face the ugly truth but does that make the foundation for a whole way of life? Is it even possible to go through life ignoring truth in favor of illusion?

I've just watched a surprising film which, without completely phsycho analizing the situation, takes a look at how Lance Armstrong (The cyclist) managed to deceive cycling fans around the world by claiming not to have used any performance enhancing drugs or blood doping etc... in order to win 7 Tour de France cycle races. He became a national hero in the USA and a champion for people throughout the world who have suffered from cancer. A Hero! I think that word explains a lot. What is a hero? Who makes heroes? Could he have deceived the world if we hadn't actually wanted to be deceived?

The film didn't set out to destroy him, his reputation is already in tatters, but it did provide some insight into just how easily people can be fooled into believing something if they really want to believe it, regardless of the facts.

There were certain themes in George Orwell's book '1984' which have bitten deeply into me and won't let go! Whenever I sense an issue becoming a matter of 'popular opinion' I brace myself to be engulfed by psychic bubble of delusion. Opinions abound, uninformed opinions, affirmed by mass media and confirmed by one eyed reports narrowly channeled quoting limited sources, asserted portions of some half-baked notion. Brought to you on morning news TV but your opinion counts so your Tweets are entered into the mix! And the story always resolves to support the righteousness of the mob. Truth is not the objective, compliance as always, the primary directive, masses conforming to the approved narrative packaged and distributed through 1,000 news aggregates and passed off as fact. Simple and dramatic is the imperative, someone to condemn, someone to pity, someone to shame and despise... Us and them... If you ain't with us you're against us and on she rolls, The News. The clamor for approval and togetherness and "Are you Happy now?"

Truth? What is truth?

We are a herd animal, we naturally seek approval and acceptance of others. For our survival, social cohesion is undeniably important. Why would anyone choose to swim against the current? Under these conditions who would choose to oppose the herd? There are names for those who stupidly prefer to seek truth rather than acceptance. Heretic... Traitor... Fool etc...

But when she asks me "Do you want to be right? or do you want to be happy?" I have to bite my tongue, I keep my answer to myself! 

Meditation: how to not

Too long between sit downs, cross legged at the gilded feet of a sculpted, iconic representation of the ideal reality of Gautama Buddha. (sitting in meditation pose) (I don't have a photo for you! Go search Google!)

So, after a couple of months of being too busy to attend, today finally everything slots into place perfectly, I'm free at just the right time and I head off to the temple for a two hour session... (Yep 2 hours! It's like a bloody marathon for me, after which I can be staggering out like a punch drunk boxer!). I drive into the parking lot and once again see only one other car. It belongs to Sensei.

Usually I'd just slope into the room drop my keys, wallet and phone in the bowl of worldly distractions, grunt my greetings, grab a cushion and join in wherever the group or Sensei is at... (If he's there on his own he could be already reaching for his own keys and wallet, hoping to go home and chill out in front of the Telly.) But I'd already seen the old guy just two days earlier and I'm starting to wonder if he's suspecting me of stalking or hero worship or some devious attempt to weasel my way into his favor. So I literally turned on my heals before I reached the door and got straight back into the car.

Now I had a few things I needed to do before going home so I set out to do something productive... Damn I'd rather listen to the Stones on the car stereo than be sitting cross legged detaching from the clumsy imitation of a bad Marx Brothers movie, my mental self commentary of who I think I am or waiting to find out who I truly am or, who am I?

I head off down McMillans Rd (one of our few major roads) not too sure where I'm going now, but the music is good! Volume UP! 'Sympathy for the Devil' pumping, see a hitch hiker who has just emerged from the Airport exit road, pull hard to the left open the door and now my course is set. Mitchel Street of course, that's where they always ask to go. That's where the hostels are at. Overpriced sweaty and crowded share rooms! Had a nice chat for 15 minutes, it's always a bit surreal meeting travelers who have just arrived and aren't really sure where they've landed or what's in store for them. Its an interesting way to escape the monotony of my own life and a good chance to court... chance? I didn't catch the fellas name. From Switzerland, speaks French, was here over 40 years ago... Usually the brief 15 minute ride is long enough to get a glimpse into a traveler's life, or itinerary... Of course the itinerary is only the story we carry around with us to avoid the panic of realizing we have absolutely no idea what may happen next! But... as Paul Kelly wrote and sings 'Every Fucking City'.

Now back to not meditating. I don't know why it takes me so long to tell a very simple story! OK here we are. What I did instead of meditating! I went for a drive, listened to loud Rock and Roll music, picked up a hitch hiker, grabbed a bottle of Pepsi Max and a pack of Salt and Vinegar chips, washed hand fulls of chips down with the Pepsi on my way to check out a video game shop! And that is how I do not meditate!

Travel! Again!

 Writing to you from some place I wasn't meant to be tonight... 

After just one week at home with the family and I found myself jumping on another plane! 

This time I was headed to Galiwin'ku, Elcho Island for jama (work). 

...Early morning rush to the airport, takeaway meal at the gate, door opens and we file out of the inefficient aircon and onto the tarmac. Back into the morning humidity and the scent of half baked av gas. 

Into the air again! 

This time I didn't really want to go, I didn't want to fly again but after 10 minutes in the air looking over the wild NT coast and snaking rivers I let go of all the things I thought I could have been doing and settle into reading a a book, 'Homage to Catalonia' by George Orwell. (Orwell's personal account of his experiences in the Spanish Civil War)

The plan was to fly to Elcho on Friday, prepare for a meeting on Saturday, assist reps from various communities with transport, do all the other stuff that's my job throughout Saturday, be on hand for a special commissioning service on Sunday (Dogs body, you need it I get it sorta thing), fly home to Darwin Monday morning... Well that was how it was meant to go but of course there weren't any direct flights left to Darwin on Monday and I didn't want to spend another night away from the family so I managed to get onto one of the charters back to Gove where I could catch the 3:30 plane back to Darwin! Perfect plan, in theory!

What happened? The charter left late, flew around a thunder head or two and arrived just in time for me to bolt to the main terminal... I got a ride half way and would have just made it if my ticket was valid! Yep I was booked on the wrong day and if I had arrived just 15 minutes earlier I could have altered the ticket... but I didn't and so now here I am! Camping at Nhulunbuy for the night (In a luxury motel, thanks to my generous and forgiving employer). My late arrival was no one's fault but my own. It was pretty ambitious to think I could get anywhere on time at this time of year, besides the fact that the ticket was mucked up was entirely my fault!

Tons of mangoes still ripening on Galiwin'ku

About where I've been. Well I just had a great weekend in Galiwin'ku, everything went reasonably smoothly and I managed to be billeted in a house where I had my very own room! On Elcho there's a serious lack of housing and many houses are way overcrowded, but people make do the best they can. Still it adds to the pressure when some Balanda turns up looking for somewhere to sleep and I was grateful to have some privacy! I am truly grateful for my Fijian hosts who were so hospitable, by the time I had to leave this morning I was seriously wondering why I'd willingly leave!


Saturday meeting took up the whole day, I think we finished just  before 8pm which made it a 10 1/2 hour meeting if you subtract half an hour for lunch. On Friday night Elcho saw the first rain for the season. (A good omen)

 Rronang Yuranydjil and Djulunga (+ 1) Outside Galiwin'ku Church

Inside Galiwin'ku Church - Rejoicing and giving thanks. Vows made.

The church service on Sunday included a commissioning service for the Christian Educator for North East and West Arnhem. The service went for about 3 hours (there's a lot to get through following cultural protocols as well as regular church service, heaps of manikay and bungul (singing and dancing). I spent most of that time running around in the rain sorting out refreshments and playing bus driver.

So with all said and done, nearly everyone booked and headed back to their respective communities I thought I was home and hosed. But then chance stepped in and here I am! Writing a blog post from a motel room on the Gove peninsular! Couldn't be in a better place really except whenever I have this kind of freedom the devil wants to come out and play! Dangerous place for me to be! Cranky with myself for stuffing up, nowhere to go, a town full of booze in the middle of Prescribed Aboriginal Land and nothing much for me to do! I spent nearly an hour in the Supermarket battling demons! In the end I settled on a bottle of coke (No salt and vinegar chips... no booze) and, eventually some healthy food for dinner. (Oh and a copy of a film about Lance Armstrong, 'The Armstrong LIE'.

With time on my hands I'm struggling to do the right thing! At least I get points for healthy eating...

Tomorrow is another day!

End of the day GVBR

Just had to post this considering it's been maybe 20 years since I was in Yackandandah.

Last time I visited Yack I think I was returning from a weekend on the Murray, either the Norton Owners rally at Tintaldra or one of those other rowdy affairs in Walwa, I can't remember exactly which. Motorcycle rallies in the 1990s really went off.... Well the Norton Owners Rally was always a bit more refined ;).

Anyway I dug up and scanned an old photo from the day. The image is of me standing beside the original Fat Boy and my 250 Virago outside the Yackandandah Motor Garage. I compared it with a photo I took while there two weeks ago and as you can see the paint has aged and the building is no longer being used as a service station, the bowser has been removed. Actually it's now an art gallery with the most amazing ironwork I've ever seen!

Now and Then shot. That's what 20 years of weather can do

Sometimes I reminisce about those days when I zoomed around the country on a motorbike, there was such a feeling of freedom and power, it was really magic to cruise through the high country of Victoria and along the Murray Valley. These days though I'm really getting into riding my  bicycle and taking it all a bit slower. More natural, more sweat, more effort, less speed. Same country, different pace. I thought it fitting that the garage has done away with fosil fuels and been transformed into something more creative... I hope I have too.